I have been asked how our Unitarian Universalist congregations can do a more intentional effort toward attracting the families we need to sustain a healthy growth in our congregation. And why is it so vital that we all make an effort to sustain and nurture families with children in the home? According to a study by Dr. Wade Clark Roof, "having children is the single greatest factor in the influx of new adult members in our congregrations."

When it comes to parents, there is an additional level involved because they are not coming to church only for themselves; they are also attending to provide a postive experience for their children as well. In the essay Educating for Faith as part of the book Essex Conversations, the Rev. Dr. Barry Andrews reveals that parents are looking for a religious education program that "fosters religious identity, and a sense of belonging, nurtures spirituality, provides an ethical framework and helps them and their children answer the difficult questions of religion and life."

The Religious Education Committee at a congregation may be working hard to develop a framework which addresses these needs, but providing a quality program for children is more than the responsibility of just the RE committee. The experience that families and children have at our congregations are much more than what happens during the one hour that they attend RE classes. The "sense of belonging" that Rev. Andrews refers to involves all the adults in the religious community – making our children and youth feeling welcome and a vital part of our extended family.

The Rev. Susan Davdison Archer builds upon this idea in her Essex Conversations' essay, Outside the Box, when she stresses that "our congregations have an opportunity to nurture what is often not found elsewhere ... (and) it is important to build a community to carry the lessons, values, and sense of continuity that once were primary in the extended family structure." She goes on to argue that a program which seperates parents and children on Sunday mornings may not meet the needs of today’s busy family which often spend much of the weekday apart, and suggests adopting a model which "might provide for families who don’t often have the opportunity to be together, whose time is so strictly regulated, who don’t often have extended families" living close to them. One suggestion she has is the adoption of a midweek intergenerational program or worship services geared toward families experiencing worship together.

Starr Williams also recognized how hard it is to get the children to church every Sunday morning, and how unsupportive many UU congregations are to family needs. Williams asserts that, "parents have every right to expect their religious community to provide significant experiences of wonder, awe, and joy the whole family can participate in."

And Dr. Jacqui James stresses that "we must find ways to assure that the relatively few hours per year that families spend in church are dynamic and fullfilling ... in particular, we need to address ministry to and with families."

So how do we meet the needs of families and therefore encourage more participation by families of all sizes, shapes and configurations? My answer as both a parent and a former DRE is by offering child care for the many church events that are primarily oriented toward adults, and offering more intergenerational programs where families can participate together.  But perhaps we should ask the parents what it is that their families need from our religious communities.  It might do us good to ask those families with children what brought them to our church, why they stay, and what we could do to make their job as parents a little bit easier.